Performance Anxiety

29 Dec

Your aspiring athlete or musician has become increasingly anxious before some competition or performance. If you have an anxious child, this is not necessarily a surprising turn of events. It is the anxious brain at work, always ready to imagine the worst case scenario. And yet, the activities your child is involved in can be so important in developing a sense of competence, learning healthy habits, developing self-discipline, and making friends. So what is the thing to do when your child develops performance anxiety? There are four considerations.

First, there is a question of whether adults have been creating the problem. Parents can be guilty of living vicariously through their children and placing way too much interest in the outcome of an event. Children want to please their parents, so they are especially vulnerable to this pressure. Coaches all too frequently operate under the mistaken belief that being critical and tough fosters competitive excellence. A good coach certainly brings out the best in his or her team, but the prerequisite is creating a climate in which it is safe to make mistakes.  Only when children feel safe to make mistakes can they get the feedback that will enable them to improve and reach their potential.  Unfortunately, many coaches believe that belittling the athlete will motivate him or her, when in fact it only leads to discouragement and anxiety.

Second, for any number of reasons, your child may be overly focused on winning. This is understandable, but counter-productive. In part, one of the benefits in pursuing a sport or musical skill is that it teaches the child focus and concentration skills. Along the way, your child has to learn to tolerate the tension that is inherent in most performance situations. Breathing and visualization skills can be very helpful to children in learning to focus on the here and now of doing their sport, rather than getting ahead of themselves and thinking about winning.

Third, if the performance problem is chronic in nature, consider the possibility that it is the product of an injury, such as falling off a balance beam, or an adverse event such as being criticized by a coach in front of the entire team. A child may have recovered from the physical part of the injury, but psychologically he may still be affected. Trauma occurs when you can’t protect yourself–you fall off the balance beam and you can’t stop your fall, or the coach is berating you and you don’t feel you can say anything. While your child may be able to put this problem into words, she is basically not feeling safe in her performance-related activity. When the more psychological aspects of this injury or trauma is addressed, the problem can be resolved.

Finally, it may be that what appears to be performance anxiety may actually be the manifestation of another problem. A child with separation anxiety might be afraid to participate in a sport because it involves being away from a parent. OCD can also interfere with a performance when obsessions get attached to some aspect of the activity, e.g., “I can’t play golf because my clubs are dirty.” The problem, again, is not the performance, but rather another form of anxiety that gets attached to the activity. Part of the solution in both of these situations is helping the child view these activities as so important and valuable that it is worthwhile to struggle through the discomfort. Having compelling goal is very important in dealing with all forms of anxiety.

The skills learned in dealing with the performance anxiety your child has about participating in a swim meet or a chorus production can be invaluable lessons which will help in all aspects of life.

(For more information on Performance issues see my interview with Dr. Alan Goldberg on my iTunes podcast “Your Anxious Child: 5 minute solutions”)

copyright@Edward H. Plimpton, PhD

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: